2 Samuel 8-24/David this,David that....

 Moving on to chapter 8! David has more military victories - defeating the Phillistines, Moab, Zodah, Syria, Edom.... He loots precious  metals from them and dedicates the metal to God. Joab is still over David's army, Jehoshaphat is recorder (I guess this means someone who writes things down?), Zadok and Ahimelech are priests....
     Chapter nine really warmed my heart, and will probably be the 2nd most memorable thing to me from 2 Samuel, after the Davidic Covenant. King David asks if there's anyone left from Saul's house that he could show kindness to, in Jonathan's memory. As it were, there is Jonathan's son Mephibosheth, who is crippled. David has him summoned, and anounces that from now on, Mephibosheth will eat with him at the king's table. He orders that everything that belongs to the house of Saul is now given to Mephibosheth. This post is going to get really long now, I apologize, but I can't miss this... 
     You have to imagine what the world was like for the handicapped/disabled people back then. I work with handicapped/disabled/elderly people, and our culture protects their safety, their rights, and their dignity with our laws, our healthcare, our money, and our workforce. State healthcare officials come and inspect facilities where severely disabled people live to ensure their standard of care. As for their caregivers, being guilty of things like neglect or verbal abuse can be punishable by prison sentences. But this was not the way of life back then. Handicapped people were left on the street to beg. Mephibosheth was probably much better off because he was a king's grandson, but it's David's attitude toward him in showing him such compassion that speaks volumes.  He could have said, "Oh.....no, I don't want to bother with the crippled guy at my table, bring me somebody else...." but he didn't. And despite the fact that David is a true warrior in battle, having killed thousands of people, we see a tenderness in him in chapter 9 that makes me think.... David and God's relationship is so close, so intimate, could it be that a little bit of God's compassion/mercy for the less fortunate has infected David?
   Later on, the Ammonite king dies, and his son Hanun comes to reign. David sends messengers to meet with him, and orders them to be cordial. But Hanun's guys think that David has actually sent spies and is plotting against them, so Hanun has David's mens' beards and clothes cut up all funny and sends them back, looking ridiculous. David sends them away till their beards grow back, to avoid the shame. Naturally, battle ensues between the Ammonites (and a whole bunch of other armies they hired such as the Syrians) and Israel. Israel gives the Ammonites and Syrians such a bad beating that Syria won't help the Ammonites anymore.
      Then one day David is up on a roof and sees a beautiful woman bathing, named Bathsheba. He inquires about her. She is the wife of Uriah the Hittite. This is a minor detail, though, when one is king. He sends for her and has his way with her, and then sent her home pregnant. So then David calls for Uriah, and they make small talk, and David tells Uriah to go home and wash his feet, and gives him a present. *shaking my head*   Uriah doesn't go into his house though, he stays outside with the other men. David asks him why, and he's like, "I can't shut myself up inside. I need to stay out here and keep watch over things and be available if I'm needed...."  Now I'm not exactly sure what's going on here, but it seems to me like David is trying to urge Uriah into bed with Bathsheba so that when her pregnancy begins to show, Uriah won't know that it isn't his child. I could be wrong. It's all very Maury Povich, if you ask me. Anyhow, the problem continues that David can't seem to get Uriah to go home, so he changes tactics, and has the military put him in the front of the battle, where he will be easy pickings for the enemy. What's worse is that he writes this order to Joab and has it delivered by Uriah himself. Bathsheba mourns Uriah's death for a little bit, and then David takes her as wife. But God was not pleased.
     Nathan rebukes David via a parable about a rich man stealing a poor man's lamb. God condemns David, and tells him that "the sword shall never depart from your house", and that evil will rise up from within his house, and that the baby which was born to them is going to die. David's really upset and crying and fasting and such, and then the child dies. David and Bathsheba have another son, and name him Solomon.
    Now we have a really icky mess to hash through. David's son Absalom has a beautiful sister named Tamar. David's other son, Amnon (Tamar's half brother), falls head over heels in lust for her. Ew. Amnon lies in bed as though he's sick, and begs David for Tamar to come and take care of him. So David sends Tamar to Amnon, and Amnon rapes her. Afterward, Amnon is consumed with hate for Tamar. He has her thrown out, and she tears the long sleeves off her robe (which symbolizes the princess' virginity), and goes to stay with Absalom, who shuns Amnon. David is angry about the whole thing, but doesn't intervene. Absalom later on has Amnon invited to some sort of sheep-shearing appointment, and has him killed. David mourns Amnon, and his heart longs for Absalom, who has fled.
    Joab finds a wise woman, and dresses her up like she's in mourning garb, and has her go before David. She recites what Joab asked her to say - which is basically a summary of the Absalom killed Amnon situation, but she leaves out the names, and pretends like she's talking about her own sons. Then she reveals that she is speaking about David's own house. David knows immediately that Joab's been up to something, and so he's like, "OK, the time has come. Bring Absalom back.....but don't bring him into my house."
   For a couple years, this works out ok, but then Absalom is tired of being shunned by his father, and sends for Joab, to get an invite to David's presence. Joab refuses to come. Absalom sets Joab's field on fire. Finally Joab comes to Absalom, who demands to be brought before David. He's brought before David, and David kisses him.
   Then Absalom starts stealing the favor of the people from David. He does this by doing some bits of service for the people, while claiming that the king has no help set up for them. He starts rounding up more followers, and the conspiracy grows so much that David has to flee Jersusalem. (God wasn't kidding about evil rising up in his own house). All of those faithful to David followed him. The Levites bring the Ark, but David tells them to put it back. Ziba, Mephibosheth's servant, comes up to David with donkeys and food gifts for David's family. David asks where Mephibosheth is, and Ziba responds that he stayed behind in Jerusalem because he believes the kingdom will be restored to Saul's house now. Talk about getting kicked when you're already down. You know David's gotta be really down in the dumps, and now even Mephibosheth is turning against him. David tells Ziba that all that belonged to Mephibosheth belongs to Ziba now. (this isn't the last we hear of Mephibosheth, however...there is a rather sweet ending later on...)
   Now there's this radical guy named Shimei, who is obviously not David's biggest fan. As David and his people are fleeing, he follows after them, cursing continuously at them, throwing rocks and dirt at them, saying, "You worthless man!", and such things.  David orders his men to leave Shimei alone, and that maybe one day God will bless David for it. Absalom wants all of Israel to know that his Dad is gone and he is in, and what a very big and mighty deal Mr. Absalom is. So he has a tent pitched on the roof and brings up David's 10 concubines (whom David left to watch over the household affairs) and proceeds to have his way with them in the sight of the people. What a disgusting pig, if I do say so.
    David has a spy back home, luckily....A man named Hushai is going to report what he hears back to David and try to turn things in his favor. He convinces Absalom to put off going against David and bringing the flock back to Jerusalem immediately, in order to stall.....for David's sake. Hushai tells David's priests of the plan.
   So David was able to evade capture by Absalom and had enough time to muster up troops. Before they went to battle against Absalom's men, he requested that they "deal gently" Absalom. Undoubtedly, he is angry and feeling betrayed and all sorts of awful, but nonetheless, Absalom is still his son...
   In an odd twist, Absalom gets himself stuck in a tree when his head lodges between branches and the mule keeps on walking (seems he inherited some of his dad's smarts but is perhaps not as sauve of a soldier....). Somebody notices and tells Joab, who responds by asking why he didn't simply kill him. The man reminds Joab of David's order not to kill Absalom. Joab is like, "I don't have time for this...." and puts three javelins through Absalom. Joab blows a trumpet and stops the battle, since Absalom (who is the reason for all this business) is dead. They throw Absalom's body in a pit and cover it with stones.  David was held back from this battle, because his people realize at this point what David is worth to them, and they will not risk his life. So David is watching from afar, waiting for some kind of news, and worrying over Absalom's fate. He sees two messengers running toward him with news. David questions them, seemingly more intent on the news of his son than of who defeated who.  The first messenger didn't know Absalom's fate, but the second messenger knew, and he told David.
    David spirals into a horrible grief. He's all, "Oh, Absalom! My son! My son, Absalom!" I have to say...... I kind of wonder if Absalom's death brought back to David the deaths of his other sons. Everything has been happening in David's life so fast & furiously, and I think the grief has finally just caught up to him. He covers his face and he's just wailing for Absalom. Joab confronts David, and he's like, "You are putting your people to shame, who have fought to deliver you from your enemy here." and he tells David this: "You love those who hate you and hate those who love you." I definately feel for David, but I also think Joab's got a point.  All of Israel is confused now, and everyone goes back to their own home and is arguing amongst themselves.
    Shimei, the madman who cursed David while he was fleeing, comes and asks David's pardon, which David gives. Mephiboseth comes to David, and he's looking rather unsheveled. And David says simply to him, "Why did you not go with me?"  And Mephibosheth insists that his servant deceived David, but that David is like an angel of God, and to do whatever seems right under the circumstances. David is like, "OK, enough of all this" and orders that Mephibosheth and Ziba split the land between them. And then Mephibosheth, not caring anymore about the wealth, says that Ziba can take all of it. He's just happy that David is back home   :-)              Not everybody is so happy, however. There seems to be a distinction between the people of Judah (who steadfastly favor David) and the rest of Israel. A man named Sheba causes another rebellion, but all of Judah remains faithful to David.
      David has his concubines taken out of the house and locked away in another house. It doesn't say this in the scripture but I wonder if he was disgusted by the fact that his son had slept with them.
    So Joab and David's people pursue Sheba, and when they come to a city called "Beth-maacah", a wise woman intervenes and somehow gets Sheba's head thrown over a wall to stop the fighting and preserve their city.
    Now there's a famine for three years, and God tells David it's because of bloodguilt from the house of Saul against the Gibeonites. David asks the Gibeonites how they can reconcile, and the Gibeonites ask for 7 of Saul's descendants, that they might hang them. So they do, but David spares Mephibosheth. The famine goes away.
    Israel goes to war with the Phillistines, and David stumbles in battle and nearly dies. The people restrict him from battle. He's getting weary, and doesn't need to be in the line of fire anymore.  Chapter 22 is David's song of Deliverance, reminiscent of the Psalms. Interestingly, if you've read about David's life, you draw the connection between what he is saying to God and what he has experienced. This is one of the reasons why I'm reading the Bible "like it's a book."  Everything flows. It makes more sense. Chapter 23 is David's Oracle, which follows closely to the song of Deliverance, and mentions God's covenant with David's house. Then there is a very, very long list of valiant men who fought with David.
    Chapter 24 is tricky. God's anger is kindled against Israel once again, and he "incites" David against them by telling David to perform a census. Now, this didn't sit well with me, so I researched it a bit. Evidently, across different translations of this verse, it is suggested that it was not necessarily God himself inciting David, but God's *anger* against Israel which incited David.  This could be supported by the fact that later on, in 1 Chronicles 21, it is stated that Satan incited David to count Israel. What it seems to me is that God is angry at Israel, and David begins to doubt God's protection/providence for Israel, and therefore David wishes to count up his military, in this attitude that they've got to be beefed up because they'll be without God's hand. Joab doesn't want to do the census, but he obeys. It takes some 9 months and twenty days. Judah comes in at half a million valient men, while the rest of Israel is at 800 thousand. So the "sinful" part of this seem to me that it's David's motivation and the fact that he did the census in a rebellious way. God had given Israel orders on how to do a census - and it involved every single person paying a symbolic ranson for their life to God. The focus of a Godly census had God at the center. David's census was completely different.
    So David realizes he has grievously sinned, and God, through a prophet, offers three punishments which David must choose from. "Pestilence" wins out, and over the course of three days, 70 thousand of Israel die. God tells the angel who is pouring out His wrath to stop, and David actually sees the angel and also asks him to stop. So he stops. And then David, who is standing at a threshing floor, is going to build an altar and offer sacrficies to make things right with the Lord. The owner offers to give him the threshing floor and the sacrifical animals for free, but David insists on paying, saying that he will not offer a sacrifice to God that cost him nothing.

Absalom and his equestrian blunder. I think I saw something like this on failblog once....